Berserker Soul
by routavaurio
Summary: He may be broken, but he'd be damned if he let someone like Haga get in his way of saving his partner. If he could just hold onto his sanity a while longer... The train duel from the Orichalcos arc from the Pharaoh's point of view.


**This was written because a guest reviewer Yami E asked me if I could write something about the train duel in my other Yu-Gi-Oh! -fic called ****_Pieces. _****And I really, really did want to write about it because writing about characters having breakdowns is always fun. Since _Pieces_ is supposed to be a manga-based series of stories I figured I'd make this into a separate one-shot.**

**The cover art is drawn by yours truly... as you can probably see, I'm not very used to drawing so anime-ish characters but I did my best ****(also, his right ring finger is mostly hidden by the die but it's there, I swear)**. It's drawn with colour pencils, oil pastels and with a touch of black marker.

**This story contains liberal blending of manga and anime -canon (mostly just mentioning the Pharaoh used to murder people like he did in the manga), heavy artistic license regarding dialogue in this scene, a lot of angst and occasional contempt for spaces between words.**

* * *

**Berserker Soul**

The wind was threatening to tear him over the edge of the moving train, but his feet still somehow stayed firmly planted on the metal. He wasn't sure whether it was dark magic anchoring him there or just his own stubbornness to not being thrown away during a fight. The harsh wind tugging at his clothes and hair was actually welcome; it kept him awake even before the duel started. He had been going through the last few days like a sleepwalker, dull, numb, trying desperately to shut out the outside world and wanting to just curl up in his soul room and never come back out.

But he couldn't do that. If he did, there would be no one to steer Yugi's body.

Because Yugi's soul was gone.

And it was all his fault.

He had lost the most important thing in his life... all because of another duel.

He forced himself to focus on the current duel, one that young insect-addict Haga had forced him into. Under normal circumstances Haga would be no challenge. A young, regional champion with a bit too much cockiness and slightly skewed morality. But now things were different. Haga had brought out the Seal of Orichalcos. The boy was standing smugly in front of him, as if ancient dark magic made him invincible. The Pharaoh didn't know how Haga had come to contact with those strange duellists who dabbled in the magic of the Orichalcos, and to be honest, he didn't even care all that much. The only thing he did care about was the sentence Haga had uttered to get him to duel:

"_If you win, I'll tell you where your partner is."_

He didn't know how Haga knew there had been two souls inhabiting the body of Yugi Mutou, but somehow Haga did, and also claimed to know where Yugi's captured soul had been taken. It could be a lie, but there was a chance it wasn't. He couldn't possibly let any chance of getting Yugi back slip by. If he did, he might just break.

He had to win.

He had to save Yugi.

_I swear I'll get you back._

There was no response at the end of their mind link. There hadn't been for days, but it always hurt him to feel that cold emptiness that should have been filled with Yugi's joy and love for the world. Yugi of all people didn't deserve to be taken.

_It should have been me._

The Pharaoh was the one whom they wanted. The Pharaoh was the one who had played the Seal of Orichalcos and lost the duel. _The Pharaoh_ was the one they had tried to take but Yugi had had to be his usual caring, self-sacrificing self and take his place.

Haga laughed in his high-pitched, irritating way. The boy was doing well in their match, better than he should have. It could have been because of the Orichalcos. It could have been that Haga had been practising. Or it could be that the Pharaoh wasn't at his best.

"What's wrong?" Haga taunted, "Getting sloppy, Mr. King of Games? It must have been quite a blow to be defeated by that Raphael-fellow. No wonder. Your stupidity cost you your partner in that one."

_Shut up!_

The words hurt more than Haga's monsters' attacks that were made real by the magic of the Orichalcos. He knew he shouldn't fall for it. Haga was just trying to distract him and to get him to hesitate. But how could he just ignore the words that were the truth? It really was all his fault that Yugi was gone. He hadn't wanted for it to happen, but it had still happened. He, who had sworn to protect Yugi, had betrayed him in the most horrible way.

"Stop that, Haga!"

It wasn't the Pharaoh who had shouted. It was Anzu, who was hanging onto the roof of the train for dear life somewhere behind the Pharaoh. She wasn't inside the Seal, so she at least would be fine. Well, as fine as one could be on top of a moving train. That thought gave the Pharaoh some comfort. At least he wouldn't cause another innocent soul to be lost if he failed.

Not that he still could allow himself to fail.

The Pharaoh surveyed their duelling field. His life points had dwindled steadily, and Haga was still doing fine with his full four thousand. Haga had sent out some of his most powerful monsters, and on the Pharaoh's side there was a ticking time bomb: the soon to be hatched Poison Butterfly that would sap his life points. He tried to focus. He had to do this.

_For Yugi._

He steeled his resolve again, narrowing his eyes in determination. Haga smirked.

"Your turn," he said, "And don't bother putting on that hero face. You're no better than me."

"What did you say?" the Pharaoh hissed.

"Oh?" Haga put his hand to his chest in mock-sympathy, "Did I hit a nerve? Sorry. I was just thinking out loud. When you played the Seal, you totally gave in to your own darkness."

His grin widened.

"Oops, I didn't mean to say that."

"Shut up..." the Pharaoh whispered.

"You even lost your partner because of your pride. And you call yourself a duellist!"

"I told you to stop that!" Anzu snapped.

The Pharaoh took a deep breath, trying to calm down. It was getting more and more difficult by the minute. Ever since Yugi had been lost, everything had seemed much more hopeless. It was harder to keep going. Harder to stop listening to the voices that called him evil.

"Don't bother, Haga," he said in a voice that wavered only slightly, "You can't psyche me out with such cheap tricks."

"Is that so?" Haga asked, "Then why are your hands shaking?"

The Pharaoh clapped his free hand over the one holding cards. He was clutching the cards so tightly that it was a small miracle the printed colour on them hadn't started to seep into his sweating fingers.

"Don't listen to him, Yugi!" Anzu shouted, trying to sound encouraging, "You can beat him!"

He wished people would stop calling him that. He wasn't Yugi. He didn't deserve to be called Yugi. He had no name, and that was all he deserved. But he didn't lash out at the others about it. Yugi's friends were not to blame, and he couldn't blame them for wanting to find some way to cling to hope that Yugi wasn't completely gone either. If saying his name gave them hope, then so be it.

"Don't worry," Haga sneered, "You'll see your partner real soon! I'm going to send you exactly where you sent him!"

The Pharaoh tried to block the words out, no matter how much he felt like he deserved them. He couldn't go yet. He wouldn't be able to save Yugi if he too lost his soul. He played his turn, letting Haga begin his before starting his counterattack. He destroyed Haga's Insect Queen, one of his most powerful monsters, but Haga's following attack left him with no defence. There was only the parasite that would hatch into the Poison Butterfly on the very next turn. The Pharaoh drew a card, and it was the first good news he'd had all day.

Timaeus. One of the legendary dragons. An ancient game breaker, much like the Seal was.

He played it.

It was on the field for barely a second before it was shattered.

"What?" the Pharaoh gasped.

Haga was ecstatic.

"I can't believe this! You were abandoned by a card! So much for the King of Games!"

_Timaeus?_

The Pharaoh stared at the dwindling pieces of the mighty dragon, trying to get his exhausted mind to comprehend it all. What was happening? For a second there had been hope. Now it was gone again.

_I can't do this..._

"I..." the Pharaoh drew a deep, shaky breath, "I end my turn."

_I'm sorry, Partner._

"What was that?" Haga taunted, "Did you say you ended your turn? Then that means the effect of the Poison Butterfly starts!"

The butterfly sapped five hundred life points, leaving the Pharaoh with a measly seven hundred. He felt cold, drained, and not just because he felt the monsters' attacks for real. Haga played his turn quickly, apparently in a hurry to get back to his infernal gloating.

"Nothing you do can save you now," he drawled, "You might as well give up, Yugi!"

The Pharaoh gritted his teeth.

Yes, there was a good chance he couldn't win. But he'd be damned if he gave up now. There was a difference between _couldn't _and _wouldn't._

_I will save you._

"You're an idiot if you think I'll give up if I have a chance to save my partner."

_The only life point that matters is the last one._

He summoned Breaker the Magical Warrior. Haga activated a trap that dropped their life points by two hundred. The Pharaoh was down to five hundred. Five hundred that the Poison Butterfly would wipe out at the end of his turn. Haga giggled.

"Watch out, _Yugi_! At the end of this turn, it's curtains for you! Oh... and didn't I promise I'd tell you where your partner is if you won?"

He laughed again.

"Well, it seems I can't tell you that now, since you'll obviously lose."

The Pharaoh clenched his free hand into a fist.

"You _bastard_!"

"But..." Haga said, a strange smile forming on his face, "I'm feeling very generous right now. Maybe I'll tell you anyway, as a consolation prize."

It could be a trick. Then again, it might not be.

"Your partner's soul is trapped. I saw him in this weird place, sealed in a card."

A card? It made sense. Well, to him, at least. It had happened before. From what he knew about ancient magic, it was relatively easy to seal souls into objects. Hell, the Pharaoh could do it himself if he just wanted to.

"Where is that card, Haga?" the Pharaoh demanded, his voice almost breaking from the winds and anxiety.

He had to know. He had to save Yugi.

"Calm down!" Haga said, fishing a card from his pocket, "It's right here."

"What?"

For a second, there was nothing but the card. It looked like a perfectly normal Duel Monsters -card, but that didn't mean anything. A lot of normal-looking things hid the most powerful secrets. The fact that it would be very unlikely that those who had captured Yugi would be so careless as to hand the boy's soul over to someone like Haga might have crossed his mind briefly, but it was all silenced by the overwhelming need to see Yugi again. To save him. To apologise even though he knew nothing he could say would make things better.

"Hand it over!" he snapped, "Right now!"

Haga waved the card around carelessly, the infuriating grin never leaving his face.

"Oh... what to do... what to do... Well, since you asked _so nicely_, here. Come and get it."

The Pharaoh's feet moved automatically when he took a few steps towards the card in a hopeful trance.

"Oh, wait, forget it!" Haga said suddenly, "We're still duelling, aren't we? I can't give this to you _now_! Maybe I'll just teach you a little lesson, then!"

Haga tore the card in half.

The Pharaoh froze. He couldn't breathe.

_Partner?_

There was still no response, and it was the most horrible silence he had ever endured. The card was torn. It meant that Yugi's soul was...

Something snapped.

It took the Pharaoh a split-second to realize it was probably his sanity.

He screamed.

_No! No! He can't be gone... hehastobeokay!_

His hands gripped his hair, as if pain would make everything somehow better.

_Please, gods... Partner! Pleaseyoucan'tbegoneyoucan'tbe..._

_No..._

"_HAGA!_"

His shout was more akin to a roar, something almost inhuman. There was a red haze between him and the bastard who had just torn apart his partner.

_He's going to pay for this. I will kill him Iwillmakehimwishhewasneverborn!_

Haga was still laughing and he wanted to rip out those grating vocal cords with his bare hands.

"I was just kidding," Haga said, "It's just a regular card. See?"

He turned over the halves, revealing a broken spider.

The Pharaoh didn't know if the relief he felt about it not being Yugi was stronger than the absolute fury a trick like that had caused to flare up in him. His heart struggled to slow down from the frantic beat it had at some point accelerated to.

_Yugi is alright. He's not... He..._

_How dare you, Haga? HOW DARE YOU?_

Anzu gasped.

"That's not funny, Haga!" she said with a venomous voice that was very unlike the headstrong but sweet girl she usually was, "How dare you do something like that?"

"Oh, come on," Haga said, "It was just a joke."

_A joke that sealed your fate, you son of a bitch._

Anzu might have been angry, but compared to what the Pharaoh was feeling that anger was nothing. He would _crush_ Haga. In the most. Painful. Way. Possible.

If the Orichalcos hadn't been blocking his shadow magic he would have made sure Haga would suffer from constant mental torment for the rest of his miserable little life, but now he would just have to do with causing physical pain.

_Don't do it. You promised you wouldn't go back to that._

He silenced the voice in his head that sounded a bit like Yugi but couldn't be really him. It couldn't be Yugi because Yugi was gone. Taken. And this little bastard was just standing there, helping those people. Making fun of this all.

"Haga..." he gritted out, the name like acid on his tongue, "You wretched, disgusting little _worm_! You'll pay for that!"

Haga's smug grin shrunk by an inch. There was fear creeping into the boy's eyes. Good. He should be afraid. Haga would find out right now that he had just messed with the wrong dead monarch.

He attacked with both the Poison Butterfly and his Breaker the Magical Warrior. Haga took the hits and winced at the pain. The brat clearly didn't have much experience in magically enforced games. He was just a child who had got his hands on something much grander than him and thought he could play in the big leagues with it. Well, too bad. This was just the beginning.

"Ha! Nice try!" Haga squealed, "But I still win!"

"Oh, really?" the Pharaoh asked with deadly calm that should have raised a lot of alarms in a sane person's mind.

Haga was not a very sane person. And the magic of the Orichalcos wasn't helping at all.

"Sure," he said, "You're out of monsters, and my Poison Butterfly will automatically take the last of your life points at the end of your turn."

The Pharaoh smiled. It was a cold, malicious smile that he had worn many times in the past. When he had viciously attacked anyone who bullied Yugi. When he had challenged people to games they would never escape with their sanity intact. Sometimes they didn't even escape with their lives.

_You were supposed to stop it all._

_Shut. Up._

"Too bad my turn isn't over, then."

"What?" Haga's eyes widened slightly.

The Pharaoh looked at the cards in his hand. There was only one he needed. Berserker Soul. It would be perfect for this.

"In order to play Berserker Soul, I need to discard my entire hand," the Pharaoh said, sliding the cards into the graveyard without even looking at them. He didn't need them any more, "But once I do so, I am allowed to keep drawing cards until I draw a magic or trap card. And for every monster card I draw, I can order a monster to attack again, if that monster has fifteen hundred attack points or less."

He played it, relishing the look on Haga's face that turned from slight uneasiness to full-blown terror. Haga's frightened eyes looked from the Pharaoh to Breaker the Magical Warrior. The monster had exactly fifteen hundred attack points. It didn't take long for Haga to make the very obvious connection. Haga stared at Breaker's sword that had already struck him once. He clearly didn't want it to happen again.

But it would. The Pharaoh would make sure it would.

"I draw!" he snapped, turning the card for Haga to see, "Monster card."

Haga gasped in pain when Breaker slashed across his chest.

There were whispers without words, ones the Pharaoh knew to associate with Shadows. They wanted to break through, but magic older than them was keeping them at bay.

The Pharaoh drew again.

Monster card.

Haga screamed.

Another monster card.

Haga was sobbing.

Another.

_That's right, you bastard. You deserve no less._

Another.

_None of you deserve any less._

Haga's life points had reached zero ages ago. The Pharaoh had barely noticed. He was panting and screaming, trying to expel all of the overwhelming rage he was feeling. Rage at the people who had caused all this. Rage at himself for being so stupid and hurting the person who meant the most to him.

_Don't do it- No Ihavetodothis I have to make them all pay!_

He drew again.

Monster card.

Haga would pay. Haga would suffer. He could scream and shout all he wanted but there would be no escape for him.

_He needs to die!_

The Seal of Orichalcos had already deemed the match finished. It had shrunk around Haga, who was on his knees, gasping and crying pathetically. It wasn't enough. For Haga, losing his soul would be an escape. It was more than he deserved right now.

The Pharaoh drew and barely looked at the card. Seeing the colour was enough. Monster card. Good.

"No! Stop it! That's enough!"

It was Anzu. The Pharaoh felt her arms around him, her fingers curling around his wrist, trying desperately to restrain him.

_NO! No! Heneedstopay! HE NEEDS TO DIE!_

"Let me go, Anzu!" the Pharaoh barked.

Anzu shook her head, and the Pharaoh realized with the remaining shred of his sanity that she was crying.

"The match is already over! You won! The Seal is gone. You don't need to do this! Please!"

Damn. He hated seeing his friends cry. And he knew deep down that Yugi would be crying too if he could see the Pharaoh now. The thought wormed through insanity and the white noise of trapped shadows.

_I... I'm..._

The Pharaoh felt sick. He wanted to scream and rage and tear Haga to pieces... but he couldn't. It wouldn't be right. This wasn't really Haga's fault. Not at all.

_What am I doing?_

Not too long ago, he had stopped using his powers to punish because he had wanted to prove wrong those who thought he was evil.

But now...

_I..._

He looked at the card in his hand. The Dark Magician Girl smiled at him.

_I didn't mean..._

_Yes, I did._

The Pharaoh tried to steady his heavy breathing. His lungs felt too small. He wanted to throw up, but there was no time for that.

_Haga..._

Yes, Haga was still there. Trapped by the Seal, about to lose his soul. That couldn't happen yet. Not because the brat needed to pay. But because the Pharaoh needed to know...

He dashed to Haga, who glowed green before the Seal around him disappeared altogether. The boy slumped forward, eyes dead, empty. The Pharaoh caught him by the shoulders.

"NO! Haga! You need to tell me where my partner is!"

He shook the boy.

"Where is he? Where is he?!"

His voice cracked.

"Yugi..." Anzu said quietly, "It's no use. He's gone already."

He knew Anzu was right. His mind felt clearer now, and with clarity came despair. They were no closer to finding Yugi. They were separated from the rest of the group, on a moving train on a very dangerous track.

The Pharaoh fell to his knees, his strength spent. Haga slumped into a boneless heap.

"Yugi...?" Anzu tried, but the Pharaoh barely heard her.

His heart was in a vice. His head was spinning.

He had almost...

He had...

The Pharaoh hugged himself in a desperate attempt to ground himself. He had never felt so alone.

_Partner..._

He was this close to shattering completely. He couldn't do this on his own.

He had failed again.

_Partner... I'm so sorry._

* * *

**Author's Note: ...and I just realized I have just written about people playing a card game I don't really care about and kind of enjoyed it. That's the magic of Yu-Gi-Oh! It's incredibly silly, and I like it because it is so silly but it also has some genuine moments that can make you relate to some of the characters really well. Also, psychotic Pharaoh. Seriously, aside from the Abridged Series what really got me into the manga was the portrayal of the Pharaoh in the first story arc. And I like how he develops, just how I like how Yugi develops.**

**I blended the manga backstory into this a bit because I think the fact that the Pharaoh is turning "evil" in the Orichalcos arc feels much more poignant if he... you know, really was kind of evil in the beginning, which he wasn't really in the anime. I haven't actually watched the first couple of seasons, but from what I can tell he was much nicer in them than he was in the manga at that point of time.**

**The reason why the dialogue is so different from the actual anime is that I watched this episode first in Japanese and with not so great subtitles (and my own knowledge on Japanese is limited to basically counting to ten and knowing various karate terms). So I just took what I got from the episode and then just wrote something a bit similar with less weird spelling errors and (hopefully) better wording and sentence structure. I only watched the English episode while I had written the first draft and took a bit from that too. So possibly a mess? But hey, it's fanfiction, so "artistic license" is a given.**

**So, constructive criticism? Compliments? Flames? It's all accepted. :) I personally think it could have used a bit more crazy.**


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